Hi, Wes
Only thing I might suggest strengthening are the rhymes in the verses. Right now you've got boots/boo, hotter/daughter in verse 1. The vowel sounds are either the same (lines 2 & 4) or close (lines 6 & 8). Making 2 & 4 rhyme and then 6 & 8 rhyme would only add to what you've got.
In verse two, lines 2 & 4 don't rhyme, where as 6 & 8 have the same vowel sound but no rhyme. It leaves things inconsistent (at least to me).
Suggestion ( regarding verse 2)
Verse Two
Baby, you got a body
That feels like home
I miss it anytime
That I'm gone too long I stray or roam
You got the kind of moves
That shakes me to my roots That shake me to my roots (The moves (They) shake you to your roots.)
I wonder who taught you
The things that you do
Then - the bridge We already know the singer is hot and horny for the girl. Bridge doesn't take this in either a new direction or add dimension to the mix. I'd rethink what you've got and start over here. Think on it and think on it with wine and center a new bridge around the affects or feeling of melting or lowering defenses. After all, this is a guy's song of lust and love. It's superficial and fun and nothing wrong with that but a bridge that adds depth might attract the ladies too. Guy is drunk or intoxicated on the girl's body and looks so much so that he begins to lower his defenses and has some feeling beyond the physical for her. Then the bridge expands beyond the bulge in the singer's pants. Yeah, get rid of the baby, baby, baby and that's not a maybe! Lol
Something to think about.
Use or lose my comments
Carl
Only thing I might suggest strengthening are the rhymes in the verses. Right now you've got boots/boo, hotter/daughter in verse 1. The vowel sounds are either the same (lines 2 & 4) or close (lines 6 & 8). Making 2 & 4 rhyme and then 6 & 8 rhyme would only add to what you've got.
In verse two, lines 2 & 4 don't rhyme, where as 6 & 8 have the same vowel sound but no rhyme. It leaves things inconsistent (at least to me).
Suggestion ( regarding verse 2)
Verse Two
Baby, you got a body
That feels like home
I miss it anytime
That I'm gone too long I stray or roam
You got the kind of moves
That shakes me to my roots That shake me to my roots (The moves (They) shake you to your roots.)
I wonder who taught you
The things that you do
Then - the bridge We already know the singer is hot and horny for the girl. Bridge doesn't take this in either a new direction or add dimension to the mix. I'd rethink what you've got and start over here. Think on it and think on it with wine and center a new bridge around the affects or feeling of melting or lowering defenses. After all, this is a guy's song of lust and love. It's superficial and fun and nothing wrong with that but a bridge that adds depth might attract the ladies too. Guy is drunk or intoxicated on the girl's body and looks so much so that he begins to lower his defenses and has some feeling beyond the physical for her. Then the bridge expands beyond the bulge in the singer's pants. Yeah, get rid of the baby, baby, baby and that's not a maybe! Lol
Something to think about.
Use or lose my comments
Carl
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