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Carl B
.Posted in Shine On Me (New Version & Original)
This is the second version of Shine on Me I wrote.  I'd like to know your thoughts on whether this works better as an envisioned inspirational tune than the original. Some of you thought the original is inspirational but I am mainly interested to know which is the stronger write of the two and which you prefer if you had to pick between them.Constructive comments welcome on anything you see, word or meter wise that you might have an issue with.New version is on top and below it is the original which is also posted here on the writer's room thread. Made a change there in the chorus thanks to a point made from Kristi Mc.One final note** I am not an inspirational writer but I wanted to challenge myself with something outside an area I usually write within or about. So many ugly things going on in the world and a little spiritualism I feel can be uplifting in a world crying out for something.   Shine On Me  (New Version)Verse 1When I search the world and I can't find     My way through life on this uphill climbThrough the clouds I see your guiding lightInspiring me to reach new heightsYou lift me up and show you're nearIn this world, my faith is clear ChorusShine on meWhen I'm lost in the crowdShine on meWhen true love can't be foundI've never doubted you are realMy belief in you helps me to healWith you there's peace and no more fearShine your light on me I'm here Verse2In times of need when a friend is farWhen I'm sad or blue, or my heart is scarredYou come to me like a star at nightShowing the way to make things rightYou give me hope and help me seeThe best there is deep in me ChorusShine on meWhen I'm lost in the crowdShine on meWhen true love can't be foundI've never doubted you are realMy belief in you helps me to healWith you there's peace and no more fearShine your light on me I'm here Verse3Through the highs and lows you still remainComforting me when I'm bowed in painFrom my beginning until my endYou're always there just like a friendThe road ahead may be unknownBut with you, I'm not alone ChorusShine on meWhen I'm lost in the crowdShine on meWhen true love can't be foundI've never doubted  you are realMy belief in you helps me to healWith you there's peace and no more fearShine your light on me I'm here Shine On Me  (Original Version)   Modifications/changes from original posting here at the ramp are in blue and in the chorus. (Verse 1) When I search the world and can't find My way through life in an uphill climb Through the clouds I see your shining light Giving me hope to reach new heights You lift me up and show me how To enjoy life and stand proud   (Chorus) Shine on me When I'm lost in the crowd Shine on me When true love can't be found With you my love, I've found my place------ I've reached a place I feel at peace filled with grace Where there is peace within my space My world has changed since you've come in Shine your light on me again   (Verse 2) In times of need when friends are far If sad or blue and my heart is scarred You come to me like a star at night Showing the way to make things right You build me up and help to free The best that's locked deep in me     (Chorus) Shine on me When I'm lost in the crowd Shine on me When true love can't be found With you my love, I've found my place------ I've reached a place I feel at peace filled with grace---------------Where there is peace within my space My world has changed since you've come in Shine your light on me again   (Verse 3) Between highs and lows you remain Comforting me with nothing to gain If I lost your love I would not know How I'd survive or where to go You're always near when times get tough With your love, I won't give up   (Chorus) Shine on me When I'm lost in the crowd Shine on me When true love can't be found With you my love, I've found my place---------- I've reached a place I feel at peace filled with grace--------------Where there is peace within my space My world has changed since you've come in Shine your light on me again   Original copyright 2010 Revisions & additional copyrights 2012-2013Updated version of original  and alternate newer version 2014 & 2015 Carl B   
I really like these lyrics. Very well written. I am so happy you made it easy to see what you changed. It made comparing easier.Nice job. I like the way you write.Peggy B.