Hi, Kristi
Very nice lyric that has a lot of emotional appeal.
My vote for the title goes to................ "As You Can Imagine".
The only thing I might consider changing is the 3rd line of your chorus, where the line reads : "But look at me I’m old".
The point of view is a man who has a daughter. His story is in the present tense. His daughter is 16. I can't imagine him being in his 70's or older but he could possibly be in his early sixties. My point is............ He FEELS old and the bridge cements this as he reflects back to when she (his daughter) was an infant (rock a bye) & then hide and seek (small child). He feels old. But is he? Unless this were written up in the past tense, I couldn't defintively come to that conclusion. He could be reflecting to the past in the present tense but I still think it sounds better with 'feeling old' rather than being old in my suggestion below.
How about for that 3rd line, something like; "But look at me I feel old or But look at me I'm feeling old
Hope I am not nitpicking.
You have a terrific lyric that is both light & sentimental.
Keep or sweep my suggestions & comments.
Carl
PS Forget about the optional chorus with the lift
Very nice lyric that has a lot of emotional appeal.
My vote for the title goes to................ "As You Can Imagine".
The only thing I might consider changing is the 3rd line of your chorus, where the line reads : "But look at me I’m old".
The point of view is a man who has a daughter. His story is in the present tense. His daughter is 16. I can't imagine him being in his 70's or older but he could possibly be in his early sixties. My point is............ He FEELS old and the bridge cements this as he reflects back to when she (his daughter) was an infant (rock a bye) & then hide and seek (small child). He feels old. But is he? Unless this were written up in the past tense, I couldn't defintively come to that conclusion. He could be reflecting to the past in the present tense but I still think it sounds better with 'feeling old' rather than being old in my suggestion below.
How about for that 3rd line, something like; "But look at me I feel old or But look at me I'm feeling old
Hope I am not nitpicking.
You have a terrific lyric that is both light & sentimental.
Keep or sweep my suggestions & comments.
Carl
PS Forget about the optional chorus with the lift
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