Hi, Alan
I prefer the new version. I don't think I'd change much. The words are very poetic and any major alterations would change perhaps that mysterious quality and meaning.
Only thing I might consider re-wording is some of the word choices in the 1st verse . Cliche lines like, is it love at first sight and are you the love of my life could be more original. You did a great job through out the rest of the lyric with original lines.
A double take, a second look
You caught my eye, it was all it took that was all it took
Could this be fate, my true soul mate Could this be love, my true soul mate
Is it love at first sight, or is it fake Is it coincidence, or is it fate or Is it love by chance, or is it fate
Are you the love of my life or more heart-ache (If you use this line I'd take out "more", which to me creates unnecessary baggage for the singer and detracts from the story. Hmm. Maybe getting rid of heartache and refer to the love interest as someone who will stay in his or her life as opposed to someone who is passing by perhaps like a ship. Just a thought.
Other than that, I like it a lot, with or without changes.
Carl