Les Service
#5


Hi Les, Welcome to songramp and writers room


 


Here is a quicktake. whie its true  your lines rhyme, I get no sense of rhythm


eg;


v 1 




You’ll never see a wedding ring on my finger


The married life is definitely not for me


To love someone in sickness and in health


Sounds like to much responsibility


 


I would have said it  something like this


 


You’ll never see a  ring upon my finger


Marriage is definitely not for me


loving  through all  life's dramas


That's too much  responsibility


 


 


my 2c worth  Jdub



 


Hi John


Thanks for the read and comments, I have a melody in my head for it and it does work (I made a booboo with my original comment on this so I have deleted it, saying it was the same ryhme thoroughout sorry for that I dont know what I was thinking at the time)  The bridge is more narrated than sung.


 


I will have a play with your ideas and see if I can make it similar for both verses.


Thanks again


Cheers


 


Les