Gerald, I just looked at some of your songs again. I actually listened to them earlier, but had forgotten what they were about. Go back and listen to John's song again and you can "see" the story unfold. Two examples are; In V1, she wasn't just smiling, she was smiling in a baseball cap and genes. She wasn't just being lazy, she was eating Chinese take out. In V2, she didn't just smile, she smilled with her 2 teeth. Then go look at your songs and see if you can "see" the story.
phil g.
I usually do have at least the big picture in mind and try to direct the lyrics to that. Now, because I know what its about, I don't miss the other details and don't bother with them. I've become long winded and boring in 3 minutes or less. So more, lesser visuals to lead up to and support the main event is one thing to pay attention to. At the same time, K.I.S.S
Wow! Wait until I tell my mama that I'm not as good as she thinks I am....