Hi Forum,


I'm looking for a "Special kind of Muso" lol that would like to take a stab at Golden Fleece. 
 I composed this lyric as a tribute to Michael Jackson, have always been a staunch fan and never for a moment believed the slander against him. He was just a kid at heart, robbed of his childhood by the Jackson 5 professional lifestyle, Then those wolves decided to get rich by opportunity. He was investigated by 2 Sherrif's departments, as well as the FBI and the vile allegations that thrashed his name, was disproved in the Justice system, he was totally innocent!


It's comprised out of a dream I had, and a Greek Myth - Golden Fleece means" Kingship and authority." As MJ was the King of Pop, I think this fits nicely.


Chorus
He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Law suits was their plan to succeed
Spread their lies in the name of greed
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise
V1
I dreamt I walked up Heavens stairs
Reached the top,and saw M.J. there
I said” Hey M.J. you’re still in our hearts
The moonwalk you perfected is now an art
Billy Jean, Thriller, Black & White
Still hit the airwaves, day and night
Justice has since disproved their story
You’re restored to your former glory”
Chorus
He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Rich pickings was their plan to succeed
Spread their lies in the name of greed
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise
V2
So then M.J smiled and said to me
“Don’t worry, look around and see
This is heaven, the best place to be
My neighbor is Queen’s Freddy Mercury
Elvis is here, and also Kurt Cobain
Name of my road is Legend Lane
Jimi Hendrix lives down the street
The music goes on beat after beat
Chorus
He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Rich pickings was their plan to succeed
Spread their lies in the name of greed
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise
V3
So I waved goodbye & walked downstairs
Saw a sign” Walk on ..Devils down there”
He stood waiting at the end of the stairs
Devil said “you not the only one who cares
You question about justice being served
I think you’ll like what’s been reserved
My V.I.P special room is waiting for them,
My reward ”Eternal Hell” will be my gem
Chorus
He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Rich pickings was their plan to succeed
Spread their lies in the name of greed
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise


Not sure what genre would suit this, hoping that the Muso will see what suits it. But probably MJ's kind of pop genre will suit it nicely!


So if you're a Muso, a  MJ fan and this appeals to you, let me know. Judging by MJ's Twitter fan base, his legend is still very much alive, and his fans miss him...........

John Westwood
#1

Just a quicky..


 


First  verse . You have a forced rhyme


Maybe change from


He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Law suits was their plan to succeed
Spread their lies in the name of greed
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise


to


He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Spread their lies in the name of greed
Law suits was their plan to succeed ( but this line  needs work )
They ruined his name, to criminalize
Broke his heart ….caused his demise

Gwyneth Rose Bradley
#2

Hi John


I originally had "Rich Pickings was their plan to succeed.


 


Do you think that works better?

John Westwood
#3


Hi John


I originally had "Rich Pickings was their plan to succeed.


 


Do you think that works better?



 


 Nope. Rich pickings was the  end result they wanted  not their plan  to get them.


I think you are trying too hard to get a rhyme


 


try something like this


 


He was my Golden Fleece golden fleece
Wolves took him down, Piece by piece
Spread their lies in the name of greed
Tried to drag him  down.



They ruined his name and  criminalized
Broke his heart ….caused his demise


Now thats a *********  shame


 


Much depends on the rythym  you  hear in  your head   or the melody if you have one.


You do not need to have perfect  rhymes . In fact imperfect rhymes used correctlymake lyrics  memorable  because   its not predictable. 


Consider  your  verses  and  imperfect rhymes like  mashed potatoes.


Perfect with a pinch of salt and pepper.. but not too much


 

Gwyneth Rose Bradley
#4

LOL I can see you're not a fan of perfect rhymes. Thanks so much for the suggestion, and look in. I'll definately give


it some consideration.


 


 

Dennis Wright
#5

Gwyneth, all of your song lyrics is beautiful. I love all of them. ''Golden Fleece.'' Splendid. Keep up the good work.


Dennis

L. James Tanner
#6

Nice tribute Gwyneth. I never bought into all that gossip either. Good work as usual.

Gwyneth Rose Bradley
#7

Hi L,


Thanks for looking in and the nice comments. So glad you never believed it either yaaaaaaaaay


Cheers


G