charles morse
#0
wanting more than i bargained for

 hoping that the end just wont come 

wishing that tonight would stay 

and the daylight would never shine

 I've been missing you for such a long time

 praying for this moment when we met again

I want you more than I ever dreamed

screaming your name out into the night

forgetting we live in time and space

loving you till the end of time

 and back again tonight

(chorus)

CHORUS-

And then i Woke up

And i remembered what you'd done

oh ya i woke up, thank god i woke up

cause my dreams almost had me fooled again

 that i might still want you back!

you belittled me, you defiled my soul 

you led me down the path of self destruction!

You held my hand 

you told me it was all gonna be O.K.

you left me with a bleeding heart

 on fire out in the cold

Because of your FAKE LOVE

Don't Think 

I'll ever forget you, you demon witch 

you heart eating, self loving cheating witch

you've made me numb you've left me strung 

and now i can't move on!

I need your torture, i need your chains 

I need your cheating ways

being jealous is the only way i know how to live 

I starving, i'm emaciating, i'm dead without

 your fake love

.... but wait a minute is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

do i see a silver lining in those clouds?

Yes i can see her now 

the heavens have opened up

the angels are singing a beautiful chorus!

She looks amazing in her pure white gown!

Maybe shes changed.....

Maybe i should take her back.... 

Maybe...... maybe.....

(STRAIGHT TO THE CHORUS)
Like
ALAN TRICKETT
#1

Hi Charles, some nice ideas going on here. In my opinion it is possibly a bit wordy. I think you could strip this down a bit, especially the chorus. You may have a melody that you are writing to, but here is just another persons's thoughts, hope ye don't mind :)


 Oh & whats with all the different font colours? hahahaha


And i remembered what you'd done


my dreams almost had me fooled again


headin’ down the path of self destruction!


you belittled me, you defiled my soul 


you left me with a bleeding heart


 on fire out in the cold


 This was all for love 


All for our fake love

Like
Carl B
#2

Hi, Charles


If you have a tune to this I'd love to hear it. Otherwise, I'll echo the comments already made about the chorus being a little too long as well as going back and editing things a bit.  It might also be helpful to the reader to label the verses and so forth.


Hope this is helpful

Like
1 liked
 likes this.
charles morse
#3
thanks for the suggestions guys! ya when I posted it my computer for some reason wouldn't let let me space it right but it did let me change the font colors lol so each different font color is a different verse.
Like