Head Straight for Hell

Hoping this will make it into the Rock genre and looking for a collaborator. Any suggs or help with this lyric to enhance will be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

I see you attend Mass

Every single day

Always so generous

To the collection tray

But I saw you walk past

A poor beggar today

That was me incognito

You looked the other way

Got everyone fooled,

You do it so well

Such an artful act

 A slick show and tell.

But you’re in for a shock.

No Hypocrites in Heaven……

 They head straight for Hell…..

See you confess your sins

At least once a week

You receive absolution

Safety from the beast

But I saw you covet

Your neighbor’s wife today

Saw you stab him in the back

And then run away

Got everyone fooled,

You do it so well

Such an artful act

 A slick show and tell.

But you’re in for a shock.

No Hypocrites in Heaven……

 They head straight for Hell…..

You take Communion

Holy bread and wine

Your sins are all washed clean

Each and every time

But I saw you stealing

A priceless work of art today

Sold it on the black market

Said that “Crime does pay!”

Got everyone fooled,

You do it so well

Such an artful act

 A slick show and tell.

But you’re in for a shock.

No Hypocrites in Heaven……

 They head straight for Hell…..

Bridge

You don’t see me, but I’ve got eyes on you

It makes me sad to see the things you do

You running out of time

You’d better change your evil ways

My name is  Gabriel……

You’ll see me at the end of days!

 Hi Gwyneth

It's good to be on the new Songramp.  Been so busy with other things that I just need to do something.

I have just put this together in half an hour and it is only the 1st verse and chorus to show the idea.  It is done live and quickly added another guitar.  Please listen in headphones as that is the only way I have listened to it (too scared otherwise - it is really rough!!) and I don't pronounce hyprocite properly!

I would like to get the electric guitar out and develop this into a more rock piece - but feel happy to tell me to stop

Hopefully the link works but it takes you away from this site.

http://www.edgeoftwilight.com/Music/Gwyneth/HSFH.mp3

Hi Norman,

It's so great to touch base with you again. All I can say is yaaaaaaaaaaaaay, am loving it and listened without headphones on

hehehe. It definately sounds like Gabriel singing  (You got the voice of an angel) yeah baby!!! I love it and for a quick half hour production it is FANTASTIC I'm blown away

Please go ahead, continue .....and yes make it more rock. You have made my day, thanks my friend. I believe the weather is hot over there

lately. It's freezing this side of the pond. But you just warmed me up to toast   

Hello Gwenyth,

What a lyric! Very social commentary I think. Reminds me of 60's folk...say it like it is...type thing. Sing it like folkie and dylanesque talkin blues....another viewpoint.

I like Norman's start on it....be great to hear it progress...and inpired by same...I did a little thing with Dragon Slayer.

Cheers!

Bill 

Gwyneth, This is a beautiful song lyric. You always write beautiful lyhrics. I wish you the best. God Bless!

Dennis Wright

Hi Dennis,

Thanks so much for those stunning comments. So glad you enjoyed.

Hugs

G

As usual good work Gwyneth. I have met a few like this. Always enjoy reading your stuff. Now I'm off to hear the music!

Hi Gwyneth,

 I have  been following this.. I love message songs.

Its hard to  see this  make it in Nashville even tho' Nashville is smack in the middle  of the bible  belt 

 John

Hi Gwyneth ,

How is this going  with Norman?

Hi Lloyd,

Thanks so much. hehehehe - Yes more than a few actually. Glad you liked

Hi John,

, You must see my new tribute to MJ that I've composed, very big message song. I'll post it soon.

Glad you liked this one. Hmmmm Nod has been incredibly busy, he sent me a private message telling

me he hardly has time to breathe shame man, lol.  Hopefully when he gets his breathe back, he'll take

another stab at it.

Here is one way  I would have set  out this lyric to make it easier   for old folk like me.. I made a few little  tweaks along the way .

V3  needs attention  IMO. Its  mixed with V2 . Maybe  rewrite those so each verse is on one topic

Take my comments on board or toss in the scuppers, as  you see  fit .

J

Lyric by Gwyneth Rose Bradley

v1

I see you at Mass  every single day
Always generous to the collection tray
I saw you walk past a beggar today
That was me incognito You looked the other way

chorus

Got everyone fooled, you do it so well
Such an artful act, a slick show and tell.
But you’re in for a shock.
No Hypocrites in Heaven……
They head straight for Hell…..

v2

You confess your sins at least once a week
You receive absolution safety from the beast
But I saw you covet your neighbor’s wife today
you stabbed him in the back and then ran away

chorus
Got everyone fooled,You do it so well
Such an artful act A slick show and tell.
But you’re in for a shock.
No Hypocrites in Heaven……
They head straight for Hell…..

v3

You take CommunionHoly bread and wine­
Your sins are washed clean each and every time  Where I come from this is about confession. You need a line about communion
But I saw you stealing A priceless work of art today
Sold it on the black market Said that “Crime does pay!

chorus

Got everyone fooled,You do it so well
Such an artful act, A slick show and tell.
But you’re in for a shock.
No Hypocrites in Heaven……
They head straight for Hell…..

Bridge

You don’t see me, but my eyes are on you
It makes me sad to see the things you do
You running out of timebetter change your evil ways
My name is  Gabriel……You’ll see me at the end of days!

chorus

Got everyone fooled,You do it so well
Such an artful act, A slick show and tell.
But you’re in for a shock.
No Hypocrites in Heaven……

No Hypocrites in Heaven……
No Hypocrites in Heaven……

Hi Gwyneth / John

I apologise for disappearing as usual!  I have been doing enough writing to have produced a hundred songs but sadly it hasn't been songwriting.  Producing a course from scratch for a weeks work in Hong Kong.  I will be finished this week and will have some time for other things in life!

I was listening to what I'd done for this while I went for a quick walk, and will look at making it more of a rock song.  I do not want to get in the way of anyone else though.  I need to get doing something and this will ensure I do.

Cheers

Nod 

Yaaaaaaaaaaay!! No apology necessary Nod Thats great news. Can't wait yaaaaaaaaaaay can't wait.

hehehehe

Hugs

G

PS - I'm going to post a tribute song I wrote for MJ, when you get a gap go check it out.

Hi Nod,

When you're coming up for air my friend hehehe - Dying to know if you've started on this as a Rock number....

Cheers

Gwyneth

Enjoyed the read..Love it.?

U GO GURL