This is the second version of Shine on Me I wrote. I'd like to know your thoughts on whether this works better as an envisioned inspirational tune than the original. Some of you thought the original is inspirational but I am mainly interested to know which is the stronger write of the two and which you prefer if you had to pick between them.
Constructive comments welcome on anything you see, word or meter wise that you might have an issue with.
New version is on top and below it is the original which is also posted here on the writer's room thread. Made a change there in the chorus thanks to a point made from Kristi Mc.
One final note** I am not an inspirational writer but I wanted to challenge myself with something outside an area I usually write within or about. So many ugly things going on in the world and a little spiritualism I feel can be uplifting in a world crying out for something.
Shine On Me (New Version)
Verse 1
When I search the world and I can't find
My way through life on this uphill climb
Through the clouds I see your guiding light
Inspiring me to reach new heights
You lift me up and show you're near
In this world, my faith is clear
Chorus
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
I've never doubted you are real
My belief in you helps me to heal
With you there's peace and no more fear
Shine your light on me I'm here
Verse2
In times of need when a friend is far
When I'm sad or blue, or my heart is scarred
You come to me like a star at night
Showing the way to make things right
You give me hope and help me see
The best there is deep in me
Chorus
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
I've never doubted you are real
My belief in you helps me to heal
With you there's peace and no more fear
Shine your light on me I'm here
Verse3
Through the highs and lows you still remain
Comforting me when I'm bowed in pain
From my beginning until my end
You're always there just like a friend
The road ahead may be unknown
But with you, I'm not alone
Chorus
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
I've never doubted you are real
My belief in you helps me to heal
With you there's peace and no more fear
Shine your light on me I'm here
Shine On Me (Original Version) Modifications/changes from original posting here at the ramp are in blue and in the chorus.
(Verse 1)
When I search the world and can't find
My way through life in an uphill climb
Through the clouds I see your shining light
Giving me hope to reach new heights
You lift me up and show me how
To enjoy life and stand proud
(Chorus)
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
With you my love, I've found my place------ I've reached a place
I feel at peace filled with grace Where there is peace within my space
My world has changed since you've come in
Shine your light on me again
(Verse 2)
In times of need when friends are far
If sad or blue and my heart is scarred
You come to me like a star at night
Showing the way to make things right
You build me up and help to free
The best that's locked deep in me
(Chorus)
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
With you my love, I've found my place------ I've reached a place
I feel at peace filled with grace---------------Where there is peace within my space
My world has changed since you've come in
Shine your light on me again
(Verse 3)
Between highs and lows you remain
Comforting me with nothing to gain
If I lost your love I would not know
How I'd survive or where to go
You're always near when times get tough
With your love, I won't give up
(Chorus)
Shine on me
When I'm lost in the crowd
Shine on me
When true love can't be found
With you my love, I've found my place---------- I've reached a place
I feel at peace filled with grace--------------Where there is peace within my space
My world has changed since you've come in
Shine your light on me again
Original copyright 2010
Revisions & additional copyrights 2012-2013
Updated version of original and alternate newer version 2014 & 2015
Carl B