Wes Tibbets
This was written more from the point of an exercise than anything else. I was given a topic and this is what I came up with. Constructive comments, suggestions, and specifically any serious crits  are welcome and appreciated.

Learning How To Live Again

Copyright 2016 by Wes Tibbets



VERSE ONE



Living is the chances we take

I've made mistakes along the way

I stepped on some toes, learning how the dance goes

But that's the game we all play


My past is littered with regrets

I haven't figured it out yet

But I keep going on, and keep standin' strong

Trying to forgive and forget



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



VERSE TWO



I've been thrown out of the gate

But that's a price we have to pay

Learning to ride, you get bucked sometimes

Suffering through pain on the way


I'll never be a perfect man

Sometimes I need a lending hand

But through it all, I'm still standing tall

Getting by with the help of friends



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



BRIDGE



I know there are no guarantees

Nothing has been promised to me

You only get what you put in...

I'm learning how to live, how to live



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, how to live

I'm learning how to live again


FIRST REWRITE


Learning How To Live Again

Copyright 2016 by Wes Tibbets



VERSE ONE



Living is the chance I take

I've made mistakes along the way

I stepped on some toes, learning how the dance goes

But that's the game that I play

My past is littered with regrets

I haven't figured life out yet

But I keep going on, and keep standin' strong

Every challenge is one I've met



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



VERSE TWO



I've been thrown out of the gate

But that's a price I've had to pay

Learning to ride means being bucked sometimes

Suffering pain along the way


I'll never be a perfect man

Sometimes I need a lending hand

But through it all, I'm still standing tall

Getting by with the help of friends



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



BRIDGE



I've taken the best that life has to give

Make the most of what I've been left with

Learning how to live, how to live again




CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, how to live

I'm learning how to live again
Carl B
#1

Copyright 2016 by Wes Tibbets



VERSE ONE



Living is the chances we take  That doesn't make sense.  Living is a chance I take?  I think you could find a better word to articulate what you mean instead of using 'chance' at least in its context.  Keep it first person singular. Sounds abrupt shifting from "we" to "I".

I've made mistakes along the way

I stepped on some toes, learning how the dance goes

But that's the game we all play   that I play


My past is littered with regrets

I haven't figured it out yet -  Haven't figured what out? Your past? I know you mean "life". " Still haven't figured life out yet"

But I keep going on, and keep standin' strong

Trying to forgive and forget  forgive & forget  who & what?  Yourself? Someone else? Forget what?



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



VERSE TWO



I've been thrown out of the gate

But that's a price we have to pay   Keep it first person and try not to shift.  that's a price "I" pay

Learning to ride, you get bucked sometimes -   This line is a little unclear as to what it means in relation to the character's experience.    "I" not "you".

Suffering through pain on the way


I'll never be a perfect man   ( These lines are strong)

Sometimes I need a lending hand

But through it all, I'm still standing tall

Getting by with the help of friends



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, learning how to live again



BRIDGE



I know there are no guarantees  (The bridge doesn't add anything new or dimensional that puts a twist or even expands on what's going on here.  You could use a new bridge as an opportunity to shed light on the singer's story with more personal details.)

Nothing has been promised to me

You only get what you put in...

I'm learning how to live, how to live



CHORUS



I'm learning how to live again

I can't go back to where I've been

There's bumps in the road, any way I go

But I'm doing the best I can

Learning how to live, how to live

I'm learning how to live again

Wes,

I think you're off to a great start. I would consider going back and doing one of two things. One option, redo the bridge shedding light on the singer's situation, adding more detail. I read over your own personal story in MAB's forum (thank you for sharing this) and think perhaps more detail about your own personal experiences and struggles as it seems to relate would only make this much, much stronger. The other option, is to start over and center a story or an odyssey of your own personal experiences with a beginning, middle and ending, still using the title "Learning How To Live Again", which is a super title. At present, the story or situation here doesn't advance. There's no motion and all tell and no show.  I think you have a lot to work with here that could really be developed to be powerful. We all face obstacles and set backs in life. I think people will relate even if their situation and experience is different from yours.  The character in the lyric is struggling. I want to feel his pain, his anguish, frustration. More detail will help and keep this in the first person. You've shifted from "We", to "I", to even "you" once. Focus this in first person and provide detail and you've got some powerful words.

And that's about it.  Keep or sweep away all my thoughts and suggestions, but I like what you've started.


Carl
Wes Tibbets
#2
Thanks Carl!

I really appreciate you taking the time to critique it and the suggestions you made. I'm on time constraints at the moment, but I'll sit down this evening and try to address what you have pointed out. I agree with you 100%. This was just a first draft. I was planning on going back through it and doing a rewrite at some point anyway. It really helps to have someone else's take on it because unlike a lot of my writes, I am trying to write this from a "where I am in life" standpoint. I hope you are having a great day. Best wishes!
Bill Draper
#3
I'll try a review of this more from a "forest" view than looking at specific "trees"

I like the the verses. they tell the story of of someone who is resilient and works off past mistakes to become stronger.

And so....that is what I wanted to hear in the chorus...but didn't . not exactly....learning how to live again seems to say once upon a time you had it down perfect....then you lost it

But that seems a different story line from the verses.

So chorus would be like:

Now I'm strong
Getting along
Stronger Stronger day by day

or something like that 

just me $.02.

Bill

  
Wes Tibbets
#4
Hi Bill,

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I can understand where you are coming from with the chorus. Where this came from was that I was advised to write something about where I am in life. Thus, the title. I got knocked down pretty hard several years ago and these days, I'm picking up the pieces of what is left. And when I look at every day, each day I'm learning to live again. So that is kind of where that comes from. Of course, a listener doesn't get the opportunity to hear the story behind the music before they listen to it. Unless it is on the chart countdown or during a live performance. So I certainly have something to consider because not everyone is going to understand that is where I'm coming from. I'll definitely think some on that and see if or what  changes I need to make going forward. I've posted a rewrite already on it trying to address some of the things Carl mentioned in his crit. I don't know if I managed to do it or not. But it is a process so I'll just keep on keepin' on with it until hopefully it turns out right.

Best wishes,

Wes